R.I.P Ice Cream Scoop

My ice cream scoop was man handled last night. I tried to stop her. I tried hiding it the dishwasher or in the back of the drawer but she always managed to find it. First she puts a hole in my couch cover and now she breaks my ice cream scoop. If you want to gorge yourself and watch yourself grow wider and wider, that's great but please don't break my stuff in the process.

First 10 rules of the asshole convention handbook

Here are the first ten rules of the asshole convention handbook. If you don't know what the asshole convention is, it's an ongoing convention that most guys attend at least some point in their life. Some of them immediately leave and never go back, and the rest, well....they become experts at being an asshole. After knowing a couple senior members of the convention, I think I figured out what the top ten rules of the handbook are. They are as follows:

Rule 1: Do not immediately return calls, texts or emails. This is a must to remain part of the convention. Senior member status will be granted to those who refrain from returning calls, texts, or emails for 3 or more weeks at a time.

Rule 2: Never say "yes" or "no". Any questions, even really important life altering one's, should be responded to with "I don't know" or "maybe". This will prevent you from making any commitments.

Rule 3: Rarely appear grateful for gifts, money, random acts of kindness, etc. This will make them work harder to please you.

Rule 4: Your man time and man friends come first. No matter what.

Rule 5: You will read your asshole convention handbook one or more times per week.

Rule 6: You must occasionally make plans and fail to stick with them. You can either A) cancel them or B) suggest them and then later pretend you forgot.

Rule 7: You must attend the convention at least once per month. Any member who fails to attend the convention for 6 or more consecutive months will be not be allowed to re-enter unless they provide proof that their signifigant other is a member of the crazy bitch convention.

Rule 8: You must memorize Rule 1.

Rule 9: Occasionally arrive late or call them a few hours later than you say you will.

Rule 10 You must perform one or more of the first 9 rules per week.

...Stay tuned for more rules from the asshole convention handbook..

Welcome to bored, annoyed and unemployed.

Welcome to bored, annoyed and unemployed. Catchy title huh? I thought so too. Anyways, I decided to create this so that anyone who's interested can see (or read) what life is like when you become unemployed or go through a rough spot in life. It's not fun to say the least. Hopefully doing this will not only give me something to do but give you something entertaining to read.

If you need a little background on how I've gotten to where I am today here it is:

In March 2007, at the urging of my now ex-boyfriend, I accepted a position in Virginia at the National White Collar Crime Center which is essentially the training ground for any fraud investigator interested in a career with the Feds. Vacancies are few and far between and only the cream of the crop are hired. To make a long story short my dream job didn't work out quite like I thought it would and I was left with one very broken heart. Six months after moving to Virginia it was on a whim (literally) that I decided to move back to KY to try and salvage the relationship I stupidly left behind. No job, even one as highly regarded as that one was worth sacrificing someone that meant the world to me.

Anyways, during my quest to quickly get back to KY, I accepted a fraud investigator position at a bank. Let's just say that was the 2nd biggest mistake of my life. The first is in the paragraph above. Not only did the relationship not work out but neither did the job. In September 2008 (two months after I bought my house), I was let go. And by let go, I don't mean laid off. Let's just say I refuse to break the law for anyone and if it means losing my job then so be it.

Here we are 6 1/2 months later and I'm still unemployed. Not entirely but clothes folder at Old Navy really doesn't count as a job nor is it my dream job.

The broken heart never really fixed itself either. In fact, it's probably worse than before now that I have plenty of free time on my hands to think about how foolish I was to leave behind someone who was really important and special to me. The deep bond and friendship we had has since become strained and it makes me wonder if everything was a lie or would get better with a little quality fun time. I know (and hope) it's fixable with quality time but it takes two for that.

To top it all off, I had to rent out a room in my house and well... let's just say they're the reason I chose to put "annoyed" in the title.

So there you have it. Enjoy.