Saturday, April 4, 2009

First 10 rules of the asshole convention handbook

Here are the first ten rules of the asshole convention handbook. If you don't know what the asshole convention is, it's an ongoing convention that most guys attend at least some point in their life. Some of them immediately leave and never go back, and the rest, well....they become experts at being an asshole. After knowing a couple senior members of the convention, I think I figured out what the top ten rules of the handbook are. They are as follows:

Rule 1: Do not immediately return calls, texts or emails. This is a must to remain part of the convention. Senior member status will be granted to those who refrain from returning calls, texts, or emails for 3 or more weeks at a time.

Rule 2: Never say "yes" or "no". Any questions, even really important life altering one's, should be responded to with "I don't know" or "maybe". This will prevent you from making any commitments.

Rule 3: Rarely appear grateful for gifts, money, random acts of kindness, etc. This will make them work harder to please you.

Rule 4: Your man time and man friends come first. No matter what.

Rule 5: You will read your asshole convention handbook one or more times per week.

Rule 6: You must occasionally make plans and fail to stick with them. You can either A) cancel them or B) suggest them and then later pretend you forgot.

Rule 7: You must attend the convention at least once per month. Any member who fails to attend the convention for 6 or more consecutive months will be not be allowed to re-enter unless they provide proof that their signifigant other is a member of the crazy bitch convention.

Rule 8: You must memorize Rule 1.

Rule 9: Occasionally arrive late or call them a few hours later than you say you will.

Rule 10 You must perform one or more of the first 9 rules per week.

...Stay tuned for more rules from the asshole convention handbook..

1 comment:

  1. i did this....it was so funnny LOL

    ReplyDelete